


The Christmas Chimney Burglar

by auroraphilealis (athousandrosepetals)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Getting Together, Gun scare, Guns, M/M, No Angst, No actual burglars, Police
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 00:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13155045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athousandrosepetals/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: Dan’s the lone police officer on duty the night of Christmas Eve, and Phil’s the friend who calls with a claim of a burglar trying to sneak in through his chimney. Dan isn’t sure whether to take him seriously or not.





	The Christmas Chimney Burglar

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** : In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

“Night, Dan!”

“Hope it doesn’t get too rowdy for you!”

“Merry Christmas!”

“Yeah, see you all tomorrow,” Dan replied, smiling as his co-workers filed out of the office at midnight Christmas eve, laughing and singing stupid Christmas carols as they all wandered off to their families.

He’d been the unlucky cop to stay behind that evening to make sure the small town sheriff's office wasn’t completely unmanned for the early hours of Christmas morning, but Dan didn’t really mind. Unlike his co-workers, Dan didn’t actually have any family to go home to for the evening, his parents having passed away when he was young, and his brother on vacation with his new wife in America. Dan wasn’t married, had no kids, and hadn’t thought about a partner in months.

His last one night stand had been two weeks ago in the city, and Dan could _still_ taste the beer on the man’s breath. It hadn’t been the most romantic or enjoyable situation of Dan’s life, but it had relieved the itch under his skin to just _get off_ with someone other than his hand well enough, so it was whatever.

Tonight, though, tonight Dan was alone, and he’d sacrificed his own Christmas plans of eating popcorn and watching anime all night and all day so his fellow police officer could spend the early hours with their families. Dan knew intimately whose kids had stayed up late so they could open their first present as soon as their parent got home, and whose wives were waiting for “Santa” to show up so they could pretend the pounding in the other room had been reindeers hooves on the roof.

Just the thought alone was enough to make Dan feel good about staying behind for them. His co-workers deserved the holiday off, and Dan could take some other day off if he wanted to lounge around in his pajamas watching anime all day. Tonight, well, tonight was just another night for Dan.

Dan didn’t expect too many late night calls that night. They were a small town, and the worst that had happened in the past were a few domestics on Christmas or a small robbery or two, all things Dan could handle on his own, but for now, he was focused entirely on the pile of paperwork that was sitting on his desk, fingers tapping away at the wood as he worked.

That is, until the first phone call of the night came through, and Dan stopped what he was doing to pick up.

“Sheriff’s office.”

“Uh, yeah, hi. I uh - I think someone’s trying to break into my house?”

“You think?” Dan asked, incredulous, even as he moved to holster his gun and stand, ready to head out at a moments notice.

“Well - you see, there’s a uh, rustling in my… chimney.”

That stopped Dan short, as he crooked a brow and sat back down in his chair, incredulous. Some guy whom Dan probably knew, was trying to tell him that his home was being broken into, on Christmas eve, via his chimney. Coincidence, Dan thought not.

With a frustrated sigh, Dan unholstered his gun, and turned back to his paperwork.

“Is that so,” he muttered, no longer really listening to the guy on the other end of the line. Their voice sounded familiar, but they were also whispering, so Dan couldn’t _quite_ make out who they were. “Have you been drinking tonight, sir?”

The person on the other end of the line let out a soft groan, and then whined, “Dan,” drawing out the _a_ in a way only one other person ever did.

Suddenly, Dan was grinning, and he dropped the pen in his hand to turn his full attention back to Phil Lester, his best friend, and the secret love of his life.

So Dan had kind of been lying about having someone to spend Christmas with, but Phil wasn’t his, and he’d honestly thought Phil was still in America for Christmas. Clearly he’d been wrong.

“What are you doing back in Britain so early, Phil?” Dan asked in lieu of responding to his supposed claims of “santa” in his chimney or whatever.

But Phil didn’t answer, he just groaned again and moved in a way that sent a rustling sound over the phone line. “Dan, I’m serious,” Phil hissed, his voice low once again as he tried to make it clear that something was going on. “There’s a weird sound in my chimney, and I’m really scared. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true! I think someone’s trying to break in!”

Rolling his eyes once again, Dan sat back in his chair and grinned at the sound of his friends panic. Dan had no doubts that no one was trying to break into Phil’s house, but he did know that Phil believed it. His friend was the weirdest, most superstitious person that Dan had ever known, and he still loved him. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to play along a little bit.

Maybe it would get him out of the office for a few hours, and dealing with something far less serious than Dan was certain would come up later. Not that anything _really_ serious ever happened around here anyways.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Are you somewhere safe?” Dan sked, still amused, as he leisurely stood back up and re-holstered his gun once more. It was probably just a raccoon or something in Phil’s chimney, or better yet, nothing at all except Phil’s overactive imagination. Surely Dan could afford to take his time.

Phil’s breathing on the other end of the line picked up for a second, and then he said, “Yeah. I uh - I locked myself in the bathroom.”

Dan did his best to hold back a laugh as he nodded his head to himself, doing his best to get back into character. He knew Phil couldn’t see him, but it might help _him_ if he at least tried to pretend that he was taking this call seriously.

“Good. Stay in there. No matter what you hear, do _not_ open the door. I’ll be there in ten,” Dan promised, grinning when Phil let out a sigh of relief on the other end of the phone, and whispered a relieved “Thank you!”

It always made Dan feel good to be appreciated, especially by Phil Lester.

By the time Dan had driven over to Phil’s house, he’d mostly gotten himself under control, a professional look plastered over his face. He was quick to park, climbing out of his car with one hand on his gun, and the other clutching the set of keys Phil had given him in order to water his plants the last few evenings. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was coming in when he pressed the key into the lock, but as he’d been trained, Dan did cast a wary eye around the brightly lit up home as he stepped inside, tensed and ready to draw his gun if, by some miracle, it did turn out that Phil had been right and someone had been attempting to break in.

The house was silent. There were no suspicious sounds or shadows, and other than the fact that the hall was dark, Dan felt pretty certain that no one was inside - well, other than Phil whom he knew was hiding in the bathroom.

With quiet steps, more out of habit than out of any desire for secrecy, Dan moved towards the living room, and stepped out just in time to hear a strange rustling coming from Phil’s chimney.

Immediately, Dan drew his gun, aiming the thing directly at the chimney as the reality began to hit him. Adrenaline spiked through Dan’s veins at the possible danger, and he moved forward carefully, still half expecting to find some kind of critter inside of Phil’s chimney rather than an actual person.

Slowly, Dan drew closer, gun still aimed at the chimney, when -

The sound of loud, panicked pounding rushed through the house Dan knew all too well. Without hesitating, Dan turned and aimed his gun in the direction the sound was coming from, the dark hallway he’d moved through earlier, and the moment he caught sight of what appeared to be another human being, Dan pulled the trigger on his gun, shouting, “Hands up! Get down!”

“Wait, Dan, I figured out what the sound was - ah!”

It took two more warning shots fired off for Dan to realize who’d been running towards him, and another heart shattering fall of that person to the ground for Dan to drop his weapon and panic.

“Phil!” he shouted, terrified he’d actually landed a hit. “Phil, what the hell!?” he cried, his voice going high pitched with his worry. “I told you to stay in the bathroom! Why would you come running in like that! You know I have a gun!” Dan continued, rushing to Phil’s side in the darkened hallways and desperetly patting at his sides. Dan couldn’t feel any blood, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t any, and he was growing increasingly more and more terrified as the seconds ticked on. “Are you hurt? Did I hit you anywhere? Phil, talk to me!” Dan nearly shouted, ready to reach out and slap his best friend until Phil finally let out a weak sounding laugh and reached out to grasp hold of Dan’s hand in a tight hold of his own.

“I’m fine, Dan,” Phil whispered back, voice hoarse. “You just scared me,” he reassured, sounding a little breathless and possibly shocked. Dan didn’t exactly blame him, when Dan had let off three bullets in the dark, any of which could have hit Phil and knocked him to the ground, cold, potentially lifeless…

Dan didn’t want to think about it.

“You fucking idiot!” Dan screeched again, this time drawing Phil into his arms now that he was certain he wasn’t hurt. “I could have killed you! Never do that again!” Dan insisted, wrapping his arms tight around Phil’s body and crushing him to him.

Dan’s heart was still beating a mile a minute, but this time it was for a very different reason. He could feel hot tears pressing at the backs of his eyelids.

“I could have killed you,” Dan repeated, letting out a shuddering sigh when Phil nodded his head against Dan’s neck, and clutched him back.

“I’m fine,” Phil promised, still sounding a little high pitched and terrified. Shocked. “I promise. I’m fine.”

Dan knew Phil was telling the truth, but that did not make letting him go any easier.

Still. He had to eventually, and after Dan felt safe enough to stand, he let Phil go and offered him a hand up instead. It was early Christmas day, and Dan had quite literally almost killed his best friend.

Honestly, the night couldn’t possibly get any worse.

As Dan led a shaking Phil into his living room, helping him to the couch, and then stopping to collect his gun, Dan couldn’t help wondering what in the world could have possessed Phil to try and come up on Dan like that. He didn’t get a chance to ask, however, as Phil cleared his throat and started speaking not a moment later.

“Sorry,” he gasped, “I just… I realized what the sound in my chimney was, and I uh… well I guess I should have just waited for you to figure out what it was, instead of rushing out of the bathroom like that. I wasn’t thinking -”

“Damn right you weren’t thinking!” Dan shot back, angry now. “What kind of idiot sneaks up on a man with a gun just after insisting someone was trying to break into his house!?”

Phil cowered back at the sound and volume of Dan’s voice, but Dan didn’t care. His eyes were still wet with tears, and he honestly wasn’t at all surprised when they spilled over. He could still feel the shock and terror rushing through him. He’d nearly killed Phil Lester.

How would Dan have lived with himself if he’d hurt his best friend?

“What if I’d hurt you?” Dan asked, this time a little quieter, a little less angry, more upset. “What if I’d _killed_ you!?”

Phil shook his head, speechless. He looked like he wanted to speak, but he didn’t know what to say, and it killed Dan a little inside.

“Dan, I -”

“No,” Dan said, cutting Phil off. “No, you don’t understand, Phil. You can’t die on me,” he insisted, unable to himself. “Least of all on Christmas day. Shit, Phil,” Dan repeated, finally giving in and collapsing on the chair across the room from Phil. “You nearly _died_.”

Phil didn’t have an answer to that. Instead, the room went dead quiet except for the occasional sound emitting from Phil’s chimney, a sound that Dan still did not fully understand, but didn’t have the capacity to care about at that point. He stared at his hands instead, the ones that had nearly killed Phil, and tried to remind himself that Phil wasn’t dead.

It took a while, but eventually Phil stood from where Dan had left him, and moved to Dan’s side. Dan’s eyes snapped up to Phil, and he stared at him, silently crying, as Phil cautiously approached.

“Dan,” Phil said, quiet. “Look at me,” he insisted, even though Dan was already looking - Dan was _always_ looking. “I’m alive. I’m okay. Nothing bad happened to me, okay? I’m fine,” he insisted, coming to a stop in front of where Dan was sitting, and collapsing to his knees in front of him. Slowly, Phil reached out to take Dan’s hands in his, and held them loosely. “Besides,” Phil added, trying to tease now, “What do you need me in your life for anyhow. I probably would have just done you a favor dying now -”

“No!” Dan snarled, ripping his hands free from Phil’s instantly. “Don’t say that!” he growled, suddenly angry all over again, the tears coming faster now. “Are you an idiot? Are you serious? Phil, what the fuck, how could you even say that!?” Dan demanded, practically moving to stand, but failing because his legs were shaking too much.

Phil looked stunned at his feet, confused, unsure, as he reached to steady Dan and then releasing him instantly when Dan jerked away. Phil’s mouth was hanging open slightly, like he hadn’t been expecting Dan to take him seriously, but Dan _did_. Didn’t Phil know how much Dan loved him? Didn’t Phil know how important he was to him?

No, of course not, because Dan had never had the guts to tell him.

Suddenly seized by the heart wrenching realization that at any moment, Phil could be taken from him, Dan reached out and took Phil face in his hands. Phil was still on his knees at Dan’s feet, and Dan was still sat in a chair in Phil’s living room at near one am in the morning Christmas day, but Dan didn’t care anymore.

He didn’t care why Phil was home early from America visiting his parents, didn’t care what the noise coming from his chimney was, or even if Phil even liked him back. All he cared about was making Phil see just how important he was to Dan.

“Philip Lester, don’t you know that I love you? That I’m in love with you? Don’t you know that I couldn’t survive a day without you in my life? That I spent the last week watching stupid sappy romance movies because you weren’t here to distract me from my thoughts, from the fear that I’m going to die alone when you take off and marry someone? Phil… I love you. So don’t you dare die on me.”

The room went deadly silent. Even the strange sound from the chimney seemed to short circuit and die away after Dan’s little speech. Phil’s eyes were wide, his mouth hanging wide open, stunned into shock and inability to so much as _breathe_.

The sight made Dan’s heart constrict, and he stared back at Phil, waiting, praying, that he hadn’t just ruined everything.

“Breathe,” Dan whispered to Phil, and that’s when Phil let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, a wide smile spreading across his cheeks.

Before Dan knew what was happening, Phil had thrown himself into Dan’s arms, wrapping his arms around Dan’s neck, and pulled him so close they both went tumbling to the floor in a giant heap of long, messy limbs. Dan let out a surprised shout at the feel, but went with it, confused and hopeful all at the same time, until Phil whispered in his ear, “I love you, too,” and kissed him, messy and deep on the floor, all tangled up with Dan.

The feel of Phil’s lips pressed against his was better than any Christmas gift Dan had ever recieved before.

**

“So… what was the noise coming from your chimney, then?”

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, that.”

“It was nothing, I just uh - I might have stuck a bird house on the top that fell through, and there _might_ have been some treats left behind for Christmas, and I _might_ have forgotten to get the house _out_ before I left on vacation, and -”

“ _Phil!”_


End file.
